im gay
i know
yea but for you.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
