Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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