Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
