i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
