Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
