Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
