Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
