Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
