I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
