Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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