At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
