I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
