Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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