She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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