So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
As shirtless as possible
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
