I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
