my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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