im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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