Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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