Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
foreskin is a definite game changer
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
