Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
