My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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