Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
