TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Randomize
