Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
