some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
