I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
