I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
