I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
