I wish my penis had an off switch
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
