So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
