Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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