Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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