1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
look no pants
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
