Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
