She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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