and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
