At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Life is so much better after having sex.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just found a bag of teeth...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
