Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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