i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
