I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
