weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
