The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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