Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
