dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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