A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
