Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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