Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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