why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
