I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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